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Saturday, July 15th, 2006
12:33 am

I've decided to put this journal to rest indefinitely. Deleting it seems too extreme, but I have no positive commentary to add regarding my life. I don't want to make anyone feel obliged to read my bitchy rants, and I hate spreading negativity to others who have their own problems to deal with. However, I still want to cheer all of my friends on in their lives, and that'll require me to keep my LJ l/p active.

I want to give a heart-felt "thank you" to anyone and everyone on LJ that has given me so much as an ounce of understanding, support, courage, and confidence. The events leading up to the closing of my journal have been some of the most painful moments of my life, but I have no choice but to take it all in stride and smile as I press forward -- thinking back to any little bit of kindness offered to me by you.

If I don't open this journal again for whatever reason: Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so fucking much for reading.

Take care.

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Sunday, March 3rd, 2002
7:27 am - Squished Grapes, Fine Whine
Welcome. May I offer you a grape? No, there are no strings attached. It's just a lone grape that I can't decide on a use for. Hm? Yes, I enjoy grapes, but enjoying this particular one would mean I admit to being content with the grape the way it is. I think this lone grape has a lot more potential. You see...

Once upon a time... There was a grape that was plucked from a bunch, The grape wasn't noticeably different compared to the rest of the bunch it was found with. The grape prided itself on being chosen from the bunch. Understandably, the grape thought it was special. However, a grape can't do much except be eaten. So, when a grape is chosen to be eaten, it's not a matter of "When?", but "How?". The "how" is very important, as it determines the grape's greatness - at least, in the eyes of the other grapes.

When the grape was plucked, its potential was apparent - but only to the one that plucked it. The other grapes never understood what was so special about that one grape, and all felt jealous of the lone grape's glaring worth. Just as their little imaginations began to run wild with the greatness that lone grape could achieve, the remaining bunch were taken away. The lone grape believed they were going to be disposed of and never to be eaten or achieve greatness.

After several seconds, began a series of cute-sounding squishes. The lone grape, however, was entirely distracted by its imagination to enjoy the fun squishy sounds. Who could blame it, though? It has a whole life of being eaten to look forward to! Moments later, the fun squishing sounds stopped. The lone grape was disturbed by the abrupt silence, despite letting the now-dissipated squishing noises go unnoticed. The lone grape immediately dismissed the momentary discomfort and returned to its delightful daydreaming of being lodged between pearly incisors.

A short while later, the lone grape finally became bored enough with itself just in time to give attention to the unexpected return of the bunch that was taken away earlier. They were returned in a very odd-looking container that resembled a narrow funnel with only one open end. The bunch looked a little different, but still recognizable in color to the lone grape. Slammed onto the surface next to the lone grape by the very hand that plucked it, the odd-looking container overflowed of a semi-clear substance. Slower to run down the side of the odd-looking container with the liquid, was a sole contaminant: a grape peel.

Horrified, was the lone grape, as it watched the familiar hand escort the container to a pair of lips. The hand angled. The container tilted. The vital organs and fluids of what was once a unified bunch of grapes began their descent into greatness - without the one they were once jealous of. The lone grape watched helplessly as its liquefied peers filled the cracks of dry lips, stained the teeth of a crooked smile, and coated the tongue of speechless deceit. Indeed, the lonely grape felt cheated out of its purpose and resolve in life - and was justified in said feeling once the guzzling, slurping, and belching ceased without its flesh being ripped apart and chewed upon lovingly. Gradually, the lonely grape realized that its dreams were crushed like the lucky bunch it was passed up for.

That is the story of the grape I'm offering to you. The reason I'm so hesitant to eat this grape, is because it reminds me so much of myself. I, too, was convinced by the words and actions of others that I had potential. To this day, that potential remains dormant and unexposed. Much like the lone grape, I continue to exist, hoping that I alone can someday attain the greatness that a group of individuals with tastes similar to mine could reach a thousand times more easily. Although, in hindsight, I think I'm comfortable with saying that I'm in no hurry to be eaten.


current mood: complacent

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